I consider myself a flawed #Queen.
Usually, those two words aren’t side-by-side.
In fact, in
our society they are considered opposites.
I didn’t
“wake up flawless”, and I never will.
To be honest, I wake with up odds against me as a
Biracial, curly-haired, light-skinned, woman. And although I am fully aware of
my flaws, imperfections, and limitations at their best—
I still consider
myself Royalty.
“But wait- How
can the two coexist?”
I wondered this question for a long time, and I’ve
finally found my answer.
May I share a piece of my story with you?
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
This would mean that you’re eyes are reading the words on this screen at the
very moment for a specific purpose. So, first I’ll say, thank you for taking the time to read my
words. I am humbled that you’ve decided to read what I have to say. Second, I’d
like to propose a question.
When was the last time you
felt overwhelmed with love?
Was it from an embrace from someone you love
deeply? Was it your mother cooking your favorite meal? Maybe it was last
Thanksgiving being surrounded by family and other loved ones?
For most women, love (or the lack of) is correlated
with men. As young girls, we develop love through interactions with our family.
Then as we get older, that love spreads to relationships with friends and
eventually, boyfriends. I’ll be the first to raise my hand when I say that the
boy-crazy phase hit me early. I loved being in meaningless week-to-week
relationships, posting pictures on Myspace—then eventually Facebook, Twitter
and Insta—to broadcast to the world that I am “happy” and that I am loved by
someone.
This put me in a dangerous place. It became my identity.
Without realizing it, I was allowing
others, specifically men, to define who I was.
[Now let me clarify—this letter was not written to throw shade,
discount or bash men. I have several influential men in my life that I love and
hold close to my heart. ]
…With that being said, I’ll speak my truth.
Men became my idol. I knew the game and I played it
well. I thought I knew my worth-- society and men told me that it belonged in
my physical assets: light skin, long hair, etcetera, etcetera. Over the years I
jumped from relationship to relationship, repeatedly falling in and out of
love, blissfully (and falsely) creating my identity. Yet, something was
always missing. No man- no matter how
fine he was, what car he drove, talents he possessed- could satisfy the
“something” that I could never quite put my finger on. Resentment and
bitterness began to set in from the hurt, lies, disrespect and emotional abuse
that took place over the years of these relationships.
During those relationships, I always felt that I heard a voice (that I had pushed to the back of my head) warning me. I ignored it and continued doing what I thought was best for me. One day, I got sick and tired of the cycle.
“…She considers herself
a prize to be won, not a phrase to be completed”
-Hayley DiMarco
----------------------------------------------------------------------
It was a Sunday at church.
The volume of that voice was loudest it had ever
been. It was something I simply could not ignore. The sermon was about love, God’s love, and how it was
unconditional. A question raised in my head:
“How could I fully love anyone else when the love I had for myself was defined by others?”
In that moment I found my answer. Through God alone. No man, no
parent, no best friend could ever love me as much as my Heavenly Father does.
Ever.
Then the
switched happened. And no, it wasn’t over night. In fact, it’s an every day
task; a process. I began to allow God, through attending church, through
prayer, through fellowship, through his Word… to fill that void. He was that
“something” I was always missing that I looked for in others.
And to answer my own previous question: everyday, I
am overwhelmed by love through my relationship with God. There is absolutely nothing like it.
A #Queen Who Needs a
King
My title has a two-fold meaning. I always knew I
was a Queen, but I was seeking the wrong type of King. I looked for men to fill
a void that only one could fill.
The title is a reflection of my
past.
The title is also a statement of my
present and future.
Now as I continuously grasp my worth as a Queen, I
recognize my need for the only King who fully
satisfies. I am an imperfect woman who needs
a perfect Savior, that is, Jesus Christ.
________________________________________________________________________
With all this being
said, Cheers to #Queens
who recognize that they are MORE than
the Michael
Kors on their shoulder,
the Remy in
their hair,
the numbers in their bank account,
the man on
their arm,
the Mac lipstick
they wear,
the car they whip,
the title of
their position,
or the degree[s] that they lack/posses.
For the #Queens
who don’t recognize it, or who need a reminder:
Not because
of anything you’ve said or done.
Simply because the Creator of this Earth FASHIONED
you this way.
Nothing about you is an accident.
He perfectly chiseled your imperfections to
symbolize the beauty of that in which He is.
“For who can find a Virtuous woman? For
her price is far above rubies…”
-Proverbs 31:10 (KJV)
Smile, you are Royalty.
Truly a Jewel in the Heavenly King’s Crown.
Love Always,
-B
#QueendomBuilding
Facebook: Brandice Carpenter
Twitter/Instagram: brandice_renae
No comments:
Post a Comment